Ask Curbed: Are Bachelors in the 'Burbs Hopeless?

1.

If I met this guy in a bar, I'd be a lot more worried about his recent failed marriage than his house in Westchester.

2.

i don't know; i graduated from nyu last year, and a ton of the hos in my class moved home to westchester after graduation. and those girls are hos.

3.

First, if you want to move back to NYC, sell your house for what its worth,or its going to be on the market for the next 10 years. Second, the last metro north train leaves @ 1AM, so I would say there is zero chance that you would be able to convince a girl by 12AM to come back with you to grand central central for the train ride home. You'd have better luck if you went out in White Plains, those waspy Westchester girls are hot if you ask me.

4.

Let's see, I guess you take a cab to Grand Central, look up at the board, wait to board your train, sit on the train for 30 minutes, get to the car, drive 10 minutes to the townhouse. Hmmmm, well, maybe even You will be less drunk and horny after all that.

If financially possible, maybe you could sublet your pad to a friend/relative/random person and make $1000 a month, and then move to Manhattan and pay $2500 a month, or get a roommate and pay $1200 a month. But, might as well move to Manhattan and not Brooklyn, LIC, otherwise just go the extra distance and stay in Westchester. Yeah, you're single, get some guy as a roommate who is your age and single and have fun!

5.

Dude, the 6-10pm train on Saturday night from Scarsdale to NYC always seems backed with young, hot babes. So they are living with you....

Hit the Westchester mall maybe.

Your comment on Train/car service sounds like you have no wheels....get some ASAP

Even if its a Miata or Solstice...wheels open doors.

as an aside the hottest tail is in Eastchester..

6.

The question this guy needs to ask himself is whether or not he wants to live in suburbs or in a city. If he's expecting to move back to the suburbs (again) once he marries (again) then he might as well stay in the suburbs and find some kindred suburban soul at his local Olive Garden.

On the other hand, if one of the problems with his marriage was ultimately that he wound up living in the suburbs, a mistake he hopes to avoid a second time around, he needs to get the hell out of there as soon as possible, even if it means taking a loss.

7.

#3, try JAPy, Waspy is CT

8.

As long as you're ok with driving her home to New Jersey or Long Island the next day, you won't have a problem.

If you're looking to date a woman who lives in the city, or at Manhattan at least, you're likely to have a less luck...unless you have game.

9.

Failed marraige and a failed housing investment in the NYC burbs? I've been there.

Take your loss, which will include giving A LOT to your ex, and move to manhattan.

If you want to get laid or married again you MUST.

Soccer mom tail vs. Manhattan tail. The odds are obvious.

Rent if you must. Just do it and put it all behind you.

10.

You are going to be trying to sell it for a LONG time......drove around Scarsdale this w-end saw for sale signs everywhere.....and thats not even getting to the bargain basement New Rochelle, Larchmont, Mamorneck, WP, Portchester, Greenburgh, Mt. Vernon areas

11.

I grew up in Eastchester and number 5 is right. The girls are smoking hot. White Plains is full of women, as well as Larchmont, Scarsdale, Rye, etc. I actually think that the women are hotter in Westchester than in the city. At least there are fewer hipsters.

12.

Speaking as a city girl I would consider you totally un-dateable for being GU but I bet there are plently of MILFs looking for a good time up there in snoresville. All those soccer moms with personal trainers and hubbies who live in their pied-a terres rather then make that horrible trek home everyday. Yes, definitely go for the MILFS!

13.

Dude you got game.

Play off:

-my weekend place [in what ever rich town you border]

-My Club: any of of the 15 municipal golf/tennis/ swim clubs

-My yacht: rent something over on Hudson or Sound for day

-Stable: rent some hoofs

The NYC babes are pretty clueless outside of their 100 block radius....

Get a motorcylce, can't dicuss destination till you are there.....

14.

12, once your 35 you'll be lining up for this guy and volunteering to wipe the butts of his 3 brats....

Till then party hearty

15.

What kind of crap is this on Curbed? I hope your new writers were hired on a trial basis.

16.

I agree with #11, although im not from westchester. In NYC you either have ugly and/or middle aged successful broads, cooler then you art/hipster girls, or untouchable model types. Each one is as undatable as the next. Your more likely to find a good/great looking, down to earth girl in Westchester.

17.

Westchester is like Atlanta, North Carolina, Denver.

Hot girls dont know they are hot.

Unfortuntealy the top car dealer or diner owner in town closes them down by 25 and its all over.

18.

#11, How come those Eastchester babes are so hot. Geez in the 80s they were all like Pamela Anderson.

Having your sports teams pound the beseeges out of scarsdale, then have to watch them smoking cheerleaders was bitter....

reminds of that Harvard losing chant:

That's alright....

That's OK....

You'll work for us some day....

19.

face it buddy, you're going to end up on match.com. or even worse, e-harmony. but westchester desperate 30 somethings are hot dude. just bide your time up there, fuck them all, THEN move back to the city.

20.

try the truckstop in bumfuck idaho, we get plenty of transient strippers and hookers here at a real estate price and keep of less than one tenth those prices you infer to..

21.

i've been to that truckstop. nailed a tranny from williamsburg in the bathroom who just happened to be up there as well.

22.

Forget the chicks. Overrated. All you need is an open-minded heterosexual roommate! I bet you have lots of extra bedrooms in the house now, walk-in showers and jacuzzis, etc. Perfect! Check out this comment thread, and then go post an ad on Craigslist!

http://curbed.com/archives/2007/10/04/ask_curbed_i_want_to_boot_my_touchyfeely_roommate.php

23.

what horible trek ...50 miles

24.

23, actaully its 22 min express.

One of the only train commutes thats express (zero stops) to Grand Central.

CT, LI, NJ is for the yokels

25.

Two words: weekend rate.

Just get a hooker and her friend to stay for the weekend.

26.

Umm, so far it seems that 90% of the responses to this question are all clueless guys. Speaking as an actual NYC single woman, I think it all depends on what you are looking for.

No WAY is any halfway sane NYC woman going to be willing to hop on a train for a drunken one-night stand - for one thing, how do they know you're not a serial killer with five other barcrawlers in a freezer in your basement? Secondly, getting home will be a total nuisance. You might be able to get some (relatively skanky) women to invite you over to their NYC pads but this is certainly trickier and more difficult than just inviting someone up for a "drink".

If on the other hand you are looking for an actual relationship, I don't think it matters if there are no other big problems - e.g., if you make a decent living, are reasonably attractive and not dealing with bad issues coming out of the divorce - and you are interested in dating women in their 30s or older.

NYC is so difficult for those of us in that boat, any women you meet through friends, at work, online, etc. would be more than willing to overlook the Westchester thing if everything else is fine. Hell, I've had friends that were willing to overlook things like the guy being married in order to have a boyfriend! But you'll have to expect 3-5 dates to go by before you can lure anyone up to Westchester. Anyone who is willing to go on a first date will be so desperate you will probably end up calling the cops to have her removed from your home.

27.

You've just got bad timing.

The Westchester girls around you all want to come into the City and find a Manhattan guy with a great place, live the urban lifestyle for a few years, then move out to Westchester to have kids.

You're already there, but that doesn't get you anything with these B&T types. Can you sublet and then rent a place in the City?

28.

Three words: pied de terre.

29.

I convinced #26 to come home with me to westchester the first time I met her. Girl is a freak.

30.

do you have kids too?

If you are divorced, with a house you can't sell in westchester, AND you have kids, stop dreaming. You're gonna end up with a divorcee in westchester so you might as well start trolling the Stop n Shop sooner rather than later.

31.

Bing the only relationship advice your qualified to give is questions regarding gay summer sex fests on fire island.

32.

If your member is large enough, it shouldn't matter where you live. As long as you are reasonably attractive it should be easy to get laid as long as the inseam of your pants is tailored in such a way as to demonstrate your qualifications.

33.

#26, Do you live in Disneyland?

The Dude is married (not a frozen corpse) and affords westchester, which puts him above like 75% of the NYC male nonsense...

Your somewhat elitist facade belies your rather ordinary standards. Your Friends overlooking hubby-status said it all....birds of a feather flock.

"Overlook the Westchester" thing. The female over-30 crowd has no business overlooking anything....much less upper-income, real estate owning, hetero

Sorry reality.

34.

number 26 is probably ugly. there are plenty of leggy blonds ready to do the next crazy thing to talk about all week. jumping on a train to a sweet place in westchester for a fuck fest definitely meets the "adventure" criteria.

35.

#32, you are right, nothing is more irresistable to the ladies then a middle-aged stranger saying "Hey, want to see my penis?" Lay off the porno movies bro.

36.

#35, Oh he is now middle aged?

Given most marriages fail in first 3yrs and avg age of Males at mariage is 27, that clocks him at 30?

Hmm, do you live in Dumbo?

37.

Let me rephrase that, there is nothing more irresistable to the ladies than a stranger AT ANY AGE that says "Hey, want to see my penis?" As for the tight pants/bulge theory, you might have better luck with that in a gay bar.

38.

it is pied a terre

39.

#37 correction you live in Really Dumbo

40.

You're right, Bluto. Women in their 30s always think guys should settle for women in their 30s.

My favorite is how they ridicule men who marry younger women, saying they're afraid of a woman who will challenge them.

Well, yeah, that's exactly what I'm looking for in a relationship -- someone to challenge me at every turn. I guess I'd rather just, um, get along with someone instead.

As far as him dating a woman in that age range, people who've been living alone, cultivating their own foibles their entire adult lives well into their 30s do not exactly equate to fun times. Anyway, most 30-something women are just marriage-minded. Doesn't sound like this guy is.

41.

Actually, it's "pied-à-terre".

42.

When I first moved to New York, I lived and worked in White Plains. Being a single guy in his early 30s, I found the women of westchester to be...well..... not all that intelligent or attractive. I found myself meeting amazing women in the city but not being able to convince them to take the trip back.
I fixed this problem by moving to manhattan and still working in white plains. My sex life is much better now and much more important than a long commute.

Now I'm just looking for a job in manhattan.

43.

#39, is that supposed to be and insult? Then yes, I live in dumbo. Please, dont accuse me of living in Tribeca or soho next, that would tear me up.

44.

Get a gay room-mate you finds you attractive. Use the cash rent for a hotel room in the city every couple of weeks to get laid with all the hot chicks. You would also get the fringe benefit of a BJ whenever you want one when you're at home upstate.

45.

24, spoken like a true commuter-- 22 min my butt! From your home to the train, from GC to your office = horrible trek!

46.

Ignoring some of the juvenile answers, my advice is that you can find interesting, attractive, fun women anywhere. Westchester or any other suburb have many single women available to date. It is easier in Manhattan to meet women on a whim, but, with a little more effort, you'll meet plenty of women in Westchester. Best way: get set up from friends and co-workers.
If want to hang in Manhattan more, grab a hotel room for the night out. That takes the pressure off, and you have the added bonus of being able to have some cocktails and not worry about the drive home.

47.

if you are even considering the possibility of bringing a girl you don't know home on a 30 minute train ride after picking her up in a bar, your wife is better off without you.

48.

#12...out of curiosity, and being unhappily married myself, what is "GU" and why does it make one undateable?

49.

Lets face it here - in the dating world of this city with you living in Manhattan & your hottie living in brooklyn it's considered long distance!Let alone if one of you lives in Jersey or Westchester! You gotta rent or sell your pad and move here if you want to be in the Manhattan dating scene.

50.

48, FYI GU= Geographically Unacceptable/ undesirable chose your "U" but basically Uh Uh

51.

#48, if you think there is a single guy in the tri-state area that wouldnt take a girl home on a 30 minute train ride after just meeting her in a bar,then let me welcome you to planet earth. My only hang up would be that it would awkward kicking her out the next morning.

52.

Pick up some Westchester chicks. Manhattan is so suburbanized now anyway. What's the difference?

53.

looks like the perfect situation,

sexually fustrated guy needs action,

ill drive up and show you that a guy can do it better than some drunk b&t chick you picked up in the east village

54.

You might want to ask Bill Clinton. Living in Chappaqua, apparently this comes up all the time.

55.

Really depends what you're looking for.
From my perspective - married, living in lower Westchester, etc (so really, what do I know?) - I only see three types of single women in the burbs: divorcees, with kids, and a bit washed up and maybe bitter (but some MILFs out there too); single women who can't afford Manhattan or they think it's noisy and crowded and dirty and have no desire to live there (which is fine, if this is the kind of chick you want); or young women who can't afford Manhattan but really want to be there...and probably go in every weekend.

Sounds like you need to sell for what you can get and move back.

And #46 - your post sounds like an advice column - "all you have to do is this...." and there, we're good. Just "grab" a hotel room - one, not usually so easy, and probably at least $350 or more per night. And get "set up". Dude's probably tried this by now and most of his friends who know single people probably think all the single people they know are all crazy and have mega-issues and are reluctant to set them up. Just guessing here.

56.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/19/realestate/19cov.html?pagewanted=all

57.

HA! Friend of mine used to live in Stamford, CT. We'd be surprised how he convinced girls to get in a cab, go to Grand Central, wait for a train, take a train to CT, then drive back to his place while keeping a level of intoxication, sex appeal, and interest.

One New Years he took back a friend of a friend who's visiting from Australia and leaving two days after. We got a lot of calls from my friend looking for their Australian friend the next day and surprised that she's out of state.

58.

If Port Chester was in New York City, it would be considered "up and coming."

59.

Johnie #57, obviously he was just cocky enough to be a success at getting chicks in bed.

60.

Good point, 52. The notion that city chicks are hotter and more accessible than chicks in the burbs is pretty dated. The city is one big shopping mall with the collective mentality to match. Keep the house so you don't have to live like a total asshole in the city. At least you'll have a driveway, a sky to look at, and the absence of some imbecile pounding overhead in herd soles at 3am.

61.

There are thousands of models and model wannabes in the suburbs?

Really?

62.

The jackasses on here making all the age-related comments about women over 30 are the ones who couldn't get laid by these same women when they were in their 20's. And if they're getting laid by anyone now, it's with women who are desparate enough to tolerate them being douchebags, because they are. Wake up boys. Look through your pack of buddies with their ponches, thinning hair, puffy faces and klingon foreheads and take a peek at your future if you're not living it already. Demi, Cameron, Halle... that's ours.

63.

Yeah… I’m totally still hot too… honestly- if you look “old” at 33… you probably weren’t that hot at 23.

Here’s a reality check… as a (still hot) woman at 33… it’s easy… painfully easy to pick up little boys… because I am a woman and they are children.

If you are a 33 year old man who really thinks he’s got some kind of “game” because he can impress a 23 year old… you are not a man… you are a man-boy. (mind of boy- receding hairline of man).

64.

Dude, two words "Her place"...that way you won't be saddled with her knowing where you live if it is only a one nighter....no baked or boiled bunnies

65.

I live in Scarsdale and I get more city ass than a subway seat at rush hour.

Believe me, when you are as good looking as me, it doesn't matter the hell you live. City skanks would travel to Albany with me if they had to, just to get a piece of me!!

Yeah!

66.

The train ride up there goes by in a flash with roofies!

67.

Dumb question. Who cares where you live if you are just looking for one night stands.

68.

If you live an hour's commute from the cool Manhattan bar, you can have a Manhattan relationship but the spontaneity of Manhattan tail may well evaporate during the hour's commute. Well, duh. Isn't this kinda obvious?

As for #16: In NYC you either have ugly and/or middle aged successful broads, cooler then you art/hipster girls, or untouchable model types. Each one is as undatable as the next." Um, why? This is a real estate board, for chrissake. Look at the prices. The young put up with those infamous Mott street loft shares in exchange for arty careers. The career takes off, they become successful broads. Why would the sweet girl next door move to Manhattan by herself in the first place if she wasn't ambitious?

69.

Ahahaahahahaaha, you people are funny. I really thought you Manhattan women had class. Always whining about how you want a successful man, a real man...... and when one comes around, you can't even tell. Give us all a break. There is a reason you wind up with all those effeminate wall street fags who wouldnt last two seconds in a bar fight. I'm lucky I found the right girl so this is not an issue for me...... but I have a very good looking divorced friend who I try to hook up with women I know in the city. He runs a very successful auto business and owns a 40 unit, 6 million + dollar apt building in Queens free and clear. I run a small consulting firm with an office in the city and during some get togethers I bring my Queens friend along to introduce him to women (clients and friends of clients). Most agree he is good looking and as soon as they out find he lives in Queens, you can see the dumbfounded, clueless expressions. I dont even get into the fact he's rich yet. Stupid, dumb, arrogant, stuck up, gold digging W***res, dont even know a good opportunity when they see one.

So please, all you Manhattan women spare us all you BS. The world at large is tired of it. You nothing special, nothing to strive for, nothing to fight over, you just a bunch of parasitic h**kers trying desperately too impose there desperate delusions on the rest of the dating world. No one cares. Get off your high horses. If you have trouble finding a man, its because the realistic, better looking, sexier, more intelligent, down to earth women of Queens, Bronx, Brooklyn, Bronx, Satent Island, and Upstate NY have taken them already.

70.

TO: Reality Check at October 9, 2007 5:00 PM:

why so moody? your "realistic, better looking, sexier, more intelligent, down to earth" woman is not satifying you?

So what if your friend has "a very successful auto business and owns a 40 unit, 6 million + dollar apt building" and that he is "good-looking" - what else does he have to offer?? There must be something else that's wrong with your friend, something that you are just (like any other guy) not picking up. Judging from your tone, he is probably a jerk like you.

71.

No moody, just putting things bluntly the way you need to hear it. I am tired of going to social events in the city to meet with people who are not any smarter or more successful than I am and when the topic turns to real estate the stuck up snobs cop an attitude based on where they live. I am a little older and married and not on the singles scene so I mention this "friend" because he is a little younger and more fit, a better catch than any of my Manhattan colleagues and at social events I have noticed he gets the same treatment. Sad, sad, sad because he is the type to really pamper his girlfriends, if he found the right one he might even buy a place in the city. But the dumb, overly-self-centered, over - priced bimbos in the city don't even give it a second thought once they here Queens.

It only concerns me not because of the singles scene, like I said I am married, it's because I get the same treatment in another way from clients in the city. They think a Manhattan address makes them better businessman. What a joke.

72.

I have no problems getting girls to come to NJ. I own a decent 2 story home 30 mins from the tunnel. I always take a limo. Hotel wont do it. Rather impress them with my house. Not looking for one night stand though. im 30 and not been impressed by any women yet.

73.

I know what's wrong with you and your "friend". Low self-esteem. Uuuu...my friend tries to bed Manhattan bimbos and he can't 'cause he lives in Queens. Any girl (well, maybe with the exception of the bimbos you both are so desperate to pamper) would go to a desert after a real strong guy, but we wouldn't go even to Queens with a whiny smuck like you.

74.

i meant to say "schmuck"

75.

# 62 - You posted the best response on here.

76.

ah ha..so that was the reason the trains took away those bar cars, beside stopping those glorious care less buzz rides

77.

29, funny a little. :)