Ask Curbed: Are Wealthy Neighbors Boring?

1.

i think thats new yorkers in general - nobody wants to get too close to anybody here, especially if you're neighbors.

2.

white people are by far the most boring creatures on this planet

3.

What the hell do you expect? Melrose Place?

4.

maybe you smell. or you play that damn rock and roll music too loud. or they don't like you bringing crackwhores into the building at all hours.

this is a dumb question. there are friendly rich people and unfriendly rich people – as with any economic group.

that being said, sometimes people gravitate to a particular area or building because they want to surround themselves with like souls. if you're a banker who works all the time and don't look to your building as a source of socializing, you're probably more likely going to live in battery park city or the financial district (i wouldn't call it 'fidi' if my life depended on it) than on 6th street and avenue d.

5.

i woke up last night to the sound of my neighbor's girlfriend climaxing in spanish. don't complain.

6.

From us professional neighbors over at Neighbors Project (we're a non-profit), the answer is yes, wealthier neighbors tend to be more fearful of interacting. Various reasons. We suggest that you not dwell on why they got that way but focus on how you can make your building friendlier without a lot of aggravation. Though I'm sure most of the comments here will be focused on the former given the tone of Curbed.

Our suggestion is that you continue to smile and say hi in a non-creepy way; once you cross over to the dark side of being unfriendly, it's harder to go back. Another suggestion: If you have a common area, like in a lobby, you could organize a non-threatening happy hour or food spread, putting up flyers around the building and under doors. Knocking and talking to actual peope might freak some people out. The event would ferret out the friendlier types in the building and set the tone for the building. If you want to be passive aggressive about it, which we don't suggest, you could even hand out our beginner's guide to saying hi to your neighbors to the no shows afterwards.

7.

The answer is, yes. See Tribeca.

8.

lindsay, please re-cap said climaxing

9.

"i woke up last night to the sound of my neighbor's girlfriend climaxing in spanish."

And you're complaining? That's fucking hot. En fuego, even.

10.

What/where is Dormandie Court? Is it some sort of friendly building?

11.

You must not be from around here, pilgrim.

12.

Very selfish mentality from #6. Let me guess, you have no idea what I'm talking about do you?

Let people be. They have enough concerns without haveing to play the game at home. Yes be friendly to people but handing out a "beginner's guide to saying hi to your neighbors" is shoot me in the left eye wrong.

13.

I'm wealthy and I do tons of Coke and Weed and have lots of parties. Is that boring?

14.

Yes, that might be boring Dependson how you treat your neighbors

15.

I don't think it's all that different anywhere in this country anymore, well, at least on the coasts. Maybe people in the middle of the county are still friendly toward neighbors, I don't know. As far as rich people being dull, perhaps spending all that time counting your money, excuse me "managing" your money, can make Jack/Jill a dull boy/girl.

16.

wealthy people don't want to get too friendly for fear of having you ask them over for a dinner party or whatever. They just don't want to be bother. Expensive buildings , generally, have better soundprofing. and yes wealthier people do tend to be more boring. More space does means less human interaction. Even the children of the wealthy have less interaction as they don't have to share a room and can do as they please.

17.

Excellent!

18.

I used to say hi whenever I met the sole rent controlled/stablized tenant in our townhouse but they (3 old fat white guys who are pack rats) are such pricks. F**k 'em. I feel sorry for the family that owns the building with those a*s rats.

It looks like dumb, lazy, old fat white guys are boring. Sunday nights are X-mas for them since that is the day on our block to put furniture and big items on the side walk for sanitation to pick-up.

19.

I live in a high-end building and my neighbors are very friendly. Lots of building parties, actually. I think we bonded because it was new building and not fully occupied all at once.

20.

Be nice to your neighbors and get over the fact they don't want to hang out. It's not a New York City thing, some people just don't have any desire to be buddies with their neighbors. Neighbors aren't people you choose to live by, just people who live near you by happenstance. Not only that, but in a city like this people change apartments a fair bit. People just don't want to deal with it, so they don't try to make friends.

That being said, I bet it's worse in new condo buildings. My coop is pretty friendly, except for the lady on my floor who will give you a death glare if you try to talk to her.

21.

What's wrong with having neighbors that know how to mind their own damned business? If you lived in a broke-down ghetto flat, you'd complain of hearing the neighbors barking dog, music blasting, some dude openly fighting with/beating his wife, and "aye papi, que rico" all f'ing night long. If or when I buy an apartment, I'd be grateful to find a place where I can lay my head and get a little peace and quiet instead of some cross between a frat house and 227.
How the hell old are you? Shees!
Sounds like YOU need a lifestyle coach; move to District.

22.

We're very busy with our current familial relationships and business ventures. We probably have time for a few real meaningful personal relationships - taking the time to try and have 90 superficially relationships with our neighbors, mail carrier, doormen, etc doesn't appeal to us. 10 good relationships are better than 90 superficial ones. So I'll spend my time cultivating those 10.

23.

...and wealthy people tend to prefer “people like us”; I’m guessing you’re not one of them.

24.

Rich people stay away from the poor because they fear the poor will rub off. I once had sex with a old rich woman and then stole her car, so they are probably justified to fear poor people.

25.

the littl hipster fags and NYU chicks in my building never say hi or thank you either. New York is chock full of self-important mennerless turds, rich and poor. Actually, I've found people nicer the poorer they are (college kids notwithstanding), that is of course, when they're not robbing you.

26.

To the comment #2. Most boring comment you could find on this planet! Get your ass up from the computer and go for example...uh.. play with yourself. Enjoy!

27.

#25 You must be ugly.

28.

didn't the commenter ever see that seinfeld where kramer put all of the tenants pictures in the lobby?

29.

Well, when I did live in a coop (downtown, not snotty, big range in income) I made friends with people while we were competing for washing machines while doing our laundry in the basement. Rich people don't do their own laundry, therefore, fewer opportunities for friendship.

30.

"I'm wealthy and I do tons of Coke and Weed and have lots of parties. Is that boring?"

Yeah, Jonz...i love to talk to people high on coke...

31.

i wonder if you live in my building. are you in the "b" line?

32.

I think it's the lack of diversity that's boring. It's the demographically mixed buildings, blocks or neighborhoods that are the most interesting.

33.

Who the fuck wants to talk to their neighbors. once you start talking to them then you always have to talk with them everytime you see them whether you are into it or not. and you have to be polite and make stupid small talk. then everytime you come in or out of the building, get in the elevator or do the laundry it's a hassle. i rather talk to strangers whom I can tell whatever i want and never have to see again.

34.

Isn't everyone in New York wealthy? I live among "commoners" out in HK and the least expensive box, I mean apartment, is more than my Uncle's five bedroom house just twenty minutes away in a "wealthy" suburb of New Jersey. And yeah.. they're kind of boring. But then.. do you really want to live down on Ludlow?

35.

I won't talk to any of my neighbors because I don't want them to know that I see dead people

36.

I see nobody has picked up on the "sophistication" part of the comment. Almost by definition a sophisticated person is not boring. There are, however, no guarentees when in come to wealthy persons. Welathy people are, to paraphrase Hemmingway, "just like you are I, only richer". To quite Byron, "Only the boring get bored". And according to Duke Ellington, only a lady is sophisticated.

37.

#29/Carol Gardens et al., What's with the implication if wealthy people don't find it necessary to be buddy buddy with people whom happen to share their address, they're boring and friendless. If anything, they have social lives rich enough to have other outlets for socializing out side of a 10 yard radius.
(I'm far from being wealthy, BTW)

38.

#13, won't you be MY neighbor!?!

39.

There are a lot of factors that impact neighborliness. I once lived in a huge building filled with senior citizens and families (a pretty common mix in larger buildings that date from the 50s-60s) where I was one of few younger people. I met exactly one person the entire 4 times I lived there - a very frail older woman who started asking me about religion after seeing a Christmas wreath on my door. Needless to say, no relationship was formed.

Now I live in a much smaller, new condo where I serve on the board and, for better or worse, I know EVERYONE. People are mostly nice, but there are always a few instances of someone who won't stop talking about building issues when you're getting your mail.

I think being around the same age as your neighbors makes a difference, and people with kids also tend to be friendly in the hopes of being able to organize in-building playdates. Bigger buildings are obviously more anonymous as well.

40.

I try and stay away from poor people, The reason they are poor is they are most likely dumb and uneducated. But beleive me when I say i am not boring and I am hung like a horse :)

41.

JJ, you sound HOT!

42.

Thanks #31 - I have heard that before

43.

Brentford 0-0 Rotherham.

44.

Sorry - meant to thank #41 not #31

45.

Common Sense Rules:

1. Never get too close to your neighbors. With normal friendships, bad patches can be ameliorated by distance and a cooling-off period, followed by a rapprochement. With a neighbor, you will be forced to interact during said period, and prolong the negativity indefinitely. The relationship will permanently sour, and then the only way out is to move. See also: "Never make roommates out of friends" and "Never make friends with roommates".

2. Always be friendly and courteous, but keep your distance. That way, when you want to complain about something to someone, there's no "who the hell are you" or "how can you complain to me, I thought we were friends" to throw back at you. This also makes it easier to escalate if they persist in behaving poorly.

3. Don't be afraid to call the landlord/management company/cops if all else fails. Be polite once, twice, and then escalate. If you don't, you become the pushover, and they have free reign.

4. Don't complain about one-off incidents. Save your gunpowder for ongoing issues. If you complain to a person for throwing a loud party once or twice a year, then you are the neurotic.

46.

What did you expect? "Friends" "Sex in the City" -fill in the blank- hollywoodized New York living that has caused massive amounts of misinformed people to think that living in the city is this life of cool. Regardless, if you want to breakdown the glass wall of silence with people and your building allows pets, get a nice QUIET (no yep yep rat dogs) pet and people will say hi to your pet opening the door to conversation.

47.

I prefer not to talk to poor people because I am rich and they are not. I am better than them, and they are beneath me.

I wish genocide was legal. All poor people would be gone under my rules! Smelly, dumb bastards!

48.

Utter Boredom....

Lived on Park Ave in the upper 70s.

It was geezerville; everyone was on a walker and piled take out boxes in chute room. This was a a corner/full frontage Park Ave building no less.... lost my mind, steps to Central Park and 18th floor corner unit.

Problem with rich folks is they are old as hell.
But still frisky. No less than 3 cabbies told me they picked up call girls on my corner at 6-7am and took them back to alphabet city.

When my dates showd up on saturday nights the whole place went crazy.

Moved back to Soho...neighbor invited me to rooftop weekend one.

49.

@47
You mean eugenics.

Though, from the tone of your post, you sound like you're attempting sarcasm but lost its message due to the ambiguous composition.

50.

I don't have time to be concerned with or even notice whether or not my neighbors might be interesting or friendly enough. I'm too busy working my ass off to pay the rent and make enough money so I can live like a human. The whole city is boring because anyone of interest has been replaced by people who used to live in the suburbs and are determined to turn the city into Scarsdale.

51.

I don't think our dear poster realizes how annoying rich people can be in NYC. They tend to be
1: children whose have rich parents purchased a condo for them while they finish up at SVA ("you know what, it's cheaper than a dorm when you factor in the taxes, appreciation...")
2: adults who have done very bad things, very evil things to move themselves far enough up the corporate ladder to be able to afford a $2MM condo
3: adults similar to those in (2) except that they have sold their souls as well
4: senior citizens downsizing from their 4BR Scarsdale home

Did you expect to meet Andy Warhol or Spalding Grey. Sorry, they are both dead.

52.

live in a new condo building - everyone is really super friendly. but we are in williamsburg. not sure what you consider weathly - these all seem like people who make a couple hundred grand a year. there have been parties and dinner parties and play dates, etc...

someone is organizing halloween as i write this.

great complex. never had this much fun with my neighbors before. too bad that you got stuck with boring people.

53.

#46 the sex and the city girls were smart enough not to live next to each other.

54.

47, another Rego park parents basement dweller.

51, Scarsdale (as in school system not PO Box, zip, other tricks) is actually a baragin....

Bought a $700K 4br/.3 acre Cape Cod; threw down home depot Bella wd floors, Frigidaire S-Steel 4 appliance package, Granite slab, 2 granite vanities for under $15K, and the place looks like a $1 Million+

55.

BTW, I agree that sometimes you don't feel the need to be "friends" with your neighbors, but
"friendly" is nice.

56.

The Upper East Side and Brooklyn Heights are the two most boring neighborhoods in NYC. 'nuf said.

57.

I banged my neighbor a few weeks ago and now it is really uncomfortable when I see her in the lobby. Even worse when I see her husband. Don't bang your neighbors.

58.

#40 you are boring

59.

its okay to say hi to neighbors . but some freaking old people want to have a entire conversation with you. I want to be left alone. they keep yacking and yacking.

60.

My grandfather is an old person. If he wants to have a conversation, have it. He's been through a lot, fought for this country. And frankly he's got some interesting stories. Show some respect.

61.

actually your neighbors are all realy friendly with each other and have great parties together... it is you they do not like, but they all have a hoot together and are unamious in their avoidance of you because they do not want to invite you to any of their great parties and/or weekends at their country houses....poor you , you probably sat at the "reject" table in the cafeteria in high school and so the social ostracism continues...just think in the old age home you will probably till be sitting at the "reject" table in the lounge comparing denture adhesives

62.

#60.
Respect is earned not given out freely due to age. The most hate filled, racist, bigots, intolerant a**holes are old cantankerous people.

Can't teach an old dog new tricks thing.

63.

#62, Anonymous one

'All generalizations are wrong, including this one."
"The trouble with youth is that it is wasted on the young"

George Bernard Shaw said these.

"You are a fucking asshole"

Jimbo said that.

64.

I can't believe I read this whole topic hoping to hear more of the climaxing in spanish girl.

65.

@63
Did I hurt your little feelings? You wanna cry now and take a nap? It must be exhausting being a dried up little prune.

Re-read what I said. If you still take offense then I must have nailed it with my comment. You are an old brat and DO NOT deserve my nor others respect simply for being OLD. You have chalked another one for old twisted people as intolerant has beens.

66.

Commenter #20, nicemarmot, you hit the nail on the head. There's a difference between being unfriendly and keeping to yourself. Just because your neighbors don't want to strike up a friendship with you doesn't mean they are unfriendly or boring--it means they want to be left alone when they're at home. Why? You don't want your neighbors in your business, you don't want them trying to 'drop in' unannounced, you simply want to be able to get in and out of your hallway and elevator without being held up in polite small talk.

To the OP, if you're looking for friends and interaction, join a class or something. Don't expect your neighbors to be your entertainment.

67.

Treehorn: new technology permits us to do exciting things with interactive erotic software. Wave of the future, Dude. 100 percent electronic.
Dude: Uh-huh. Well, I still jerk off manually.

68.

#27, if compared the Brad Pitt, then probably. If compared to you, then, well, please.

69.

#27 My wife is not the issue here! I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some Chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway.

70.

...whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his "dick" or his "rod" or his "Johnson".

71.

Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing-- I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet--

72.

It's Fitzgerald, not Hemingway.

73.

#65 Shithead that you are, you assume I am old. (however that is defined).

I may be older than you, I may be younger. We may share the same birthday Right?

So, please re-read what someone much wiser than you GB Shaw - wrote.

All I know about you is that you make blanket generalizations, the sign of a jerk - young or old.

Oh, I know something else. You came out of your mother's wizened cunt with a lot of arrogance and little sense.

74.

Poor old farts #71. Go to college and take some world history, economics, sociology and humanities classes to better understand why you fought. I served as well and not as some lame ass regular military leg. Regular military blows and those serving know this.

I wouldn't want people to show me respect just because I served. They don't know what I did, how I did my job. I've seen too many f**k-ups doing too many f**ked up things to respect them even though they served.

75.

Rich folks tend to live where you would want to, taxi to every restaurant with a chef who is willing, party without limit in clubs, drink like fish in bars and are constantly sought after by wannabees, sellers, buyers, freakshows and desperados. All that sit goes out the window when they have kids (like most responsible parents) but pound for pound, with or without chillin no other economic strata has more time and greater means to obsess about their entertainment bang than the rich not even the proud and scrappy poor. Don't kid yourself.

76.

Maude, sometimes you get the bar...

77.

#65 - Are you surprised at my tears, sir? Strong men also cry. . . Strong men
also cry.

78.

It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What... What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?

79.

You don't want to be friends with most of your neighbors. But smile at them when you see them in the hallway or elevator. If I like them, I say "Good Morning" and if I don't like them, I ignore them or nod. Over time, you may have miniconversations in the elevator. Most people talk to the doorman more than their neighbors. The doorman knows everything.

80.

'...Dullness and distance from others...' are some of the greatest luxuries life has to offer, and ones only the wealthy (like myself) can truly enjoy. And I'm not being ironic.

I'm pretty wealthy (I suppose) and sophisticated (whatever that means), and I don't want to be your fucking friend or be polite to you in the elevator (aside from the cursory 'good morning'). As far as dullness goes, I actually happen to enjoy my somewhat sheltered, high end existence, and don't particularly feel the need to prove anything to you.

If you need a friend, get a dog, asshole.

81.

Fuck you Majo take that money and shove it up your ass

82.

These posts only serve to reinforce every ugly, negative stereotype ever associated with NYers. The truth is anyone with real money and class doesn't need to brag about their utter assholeishness. How pathetic that these clowns take the time to pontificate about how much better of they are for being rude by putting on airs and projecting superiority. People with money don't ever mention what they have and how it affords them the right to be a dick. Low-class transplants who litter the city with their pathetic, desperate attempts to convince others that they have no need for others are the real joke. I hope you never have a heart attack in the elevator or get trapped in your sad coop when the building is on fire. I would step right over your pitiful carcass and be on my way. Because that's what makes NYers so sophisticated. Have a good day, assholes.

83.

And you're complaining about this OP?? You don't realize how lucky you are.

84.

I love Curbed!! Everytime I post a semi-controversial question it turns into a laugh-riot! There's always the mix of a few thoughtful comments, hilarious stories, and then people getting down into the mud and cursing each other. Frankly, this is why I don't hesitate to generalize -otherwise, few posters would get aggravated enough to comment!!

My post was spurred on by my thought that perhaps because people with some money are used to buying services that shield them from the common rabble and having things done for them by all sorts of hired help, there might therefore naturally be less interaction with people in their environment, other than with their friends and associates.

Also, there is the whole NY thing- where people are wary of their neighbors, concerned about losing privacy when we're all living on top of eachother, and perhaps not wanting to be burned again by previous neighbor encounters.

I would also like to set the record straight- I have no interest, whatsover, in being friends with people in my building. I believe in being friendly, as one poster pointed out, without having friendships. My social life is extremely active. It just would have been nice to have a building that hummed with interesting-seeming people since we were all new to the place. But this is now simply a past little pipe-dream that no longer concerns me.

85.

My award for best post on this subject goes to #4 Maybe you smell. Great sense of humor!

86.

#85, you can't give an award to yourself, especially when #4 was not funny at all

OP - you are a whack job

87.

I imagine the neighbor climaxing in Spanish sounded like Speedy Gonzalez.

88.

haha 33 so true. and haha 57.

yes, once you start talking to people in the building, they always want to chat and be introduced to your new friend in the elevator. i don't talk to the doormen either, i don't want someone knowing what i'm up to, wish i didn't have doormen at all.

as for neighbors, don't like to talk to ones on other floors, especially don't like to talk to ones on MY FLoor or right next door, just say hi and smile and no long eye contact! because nyc apartments are not so private, can hear in living room and kitchen when you are in hallway or through vents. Don't need them knowing any more business.

and yes, rich white people are boring. white people with finance/business jobs in nyc are BORING, even if not super rich, they became boring from their jobs. and, if you go to williamsburg, maybe younger artsy and could be friendlier, but if they don't like you, could be snobby. latin neighborhoods are more fun, lots of chillin on the street and loud music, but if you ain't latin, you a gringo outsider, you stick out, not as much fun maybe.

if you get involved in community, like usually parents with kids bond, people with dogs bond, ethnic communities bond, in nyc, that helps. otherwise, join a group, meet friends.