How to be a Slumlord: Easy Tips from Sunset Park!

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Often times, landlords will come to us and say, "Curbed, I just bought a Brooklyn building with low-income, rent-regulated tenants. What's the easiest way for me to kick them out and bring in white Pratt graduates?" Until now, advice on this matter has been scattered, but one Sunset Park landlord—Jack Geula—has helpfully compiled a comprehensive how-to guide on the matter. Per the Daily News, here's Geula's checklist:

1) Serve eviction notices unprompted and without cause. This is an easy way to quickly root out the weak ones who won't, or don't know how, to put up a fight.

2) Make no repairs to the building, even when a roof collapses on a baby's crib. This one's a no-brainer, and has been in the slumlord playbook for a long time. Stick with it, even if an innocent child or two has to die along the way.

3) Turn off the heat and hot water for days at a time. Perhaps the best way to break the will of your adversaries.

4) Gently plant the seed of moving in the tenants' heads. When a tenant confronted Geula about the lack of repairs, he reportedly said, "If you don't like it you can move." Very well played, although we might have added an "asshole!" at the end.

You see? Follow these simple steps, and like Guela, you too will be able to evict up to half of your downtrodden Section 8 tenants in just one year's time!
· Brooklyn tenant fights off eviction, other families have been forced out [NYDN]

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